& beating yourself up
The way that we talk to ourselves can set the tone for our entire lives. If our inner voice is judgmental or shaming, it can make us feel like a raw nerve and can destroy our self esteem. Our inner voice is often closely related to the behaviors that we'd like to change, (it can fuel compulsive behaviors!). When we are our own bully, all relationships in our lives are affected. Having a harsh inner critic may even make us more accepting of others' abusive behavior toward us.
Maybe you found this page because your inner voice has been telling you you aren't good enough, you are "broken,""unloveable," or any other unkind thing you can imagine. Maybe finding yourself apologizing all the time or believing you deserve unkind treatment from others. Maybe you hold yourself to higher, more rigid expectations than you'd ever hold for others.
Here's a quick test: if you said the things you say to yourself out loud to someone you love, would they be ok with it? Would you even be able to say the words to them?
Many of the clients I treat are pretty tough on themselves. I love helping people to shift their inner parts to find space for self-compassion. Just like we learn to be tough our ourselves, we can learn to be the encouraging compassionate voice we have needed from others. When we make this shift, magic happens! Our behaviors become easier to moderate and our relationships become more stable. Relief is possible.